Right up there with a hangover, facial pimple, death, toilet paper stuck to your shoe, or a fly-by bird pooping on your head is trying on bathing suits. Especially if you are over the age of twenty. If you are an older woman, like me, over the age of fifty, it is an absolutely terrifying experience to try on swimwear. I am mostly naked, pale, and exposed to the worst lighting on the planet. Sometimes there are so many different mirror angles in a dressing room. I feel like I am the featured act in an amusement park House of Mirrors exhibit.
I pull up my big girl panties (virtually) and summon the confidence to try on a skimpy piece of swimwear material. I expect the thirty minutes of losing my dignity to reward me with a future sexy woman in a badass bathing suit. I can see myself bronzed and glowing from a recent sunless tanner application. I am walking down the beach with the taste of salt on my lips, and sunshine reflecting off of my sunglasses as I sip from a fresh coconut. Then the fluorescent light overhead flickers just a little to bring me back to my four-walled mirrored panic room.
How do you get through this experience without madly stomping out unsatisfied, leaving five different bathing suits in a defeated heap on the dressing room floor? You grab your funniest girlfriend and tequila. That is one answer, and trust me, it works! A late lunch with alcohol and a funny girlfriend to remind you not to take yourself too seriously. This combination will help to extinguish any anxiety tremors while trying on swimwear.
The more boring option is edited selections. Comparable to how you choose to clothe yourself based on your body shape, similar principles apply to determine your most flattering bathing suits. The only difference is you need to add your boobs and butt more into the equation since they are (how shall I put it) on display. Yet, it is more about how the swimwear fits your boob and butt, yet putting more emphasis on your body’s shape. More boring yes, but the wisdom of edited selections will carry you throughout the summer. No more being intimidated by the annoying, flickering lights and mirrored walls. Hey, you got this bathing beauty! As always, my options go from least to luxe in each category.
Swimwear for a Triangle or Pear Body Shape
- Emphasize with your top half.
- Choose striking necklines and bathing suit tops with shoulder details.
- Highlight your waistline.
Inverted Triangle Swimwear Options
- Emphasize with your bottom half.
- Select light, bright or patterned fabrics for your bottom half.
- Choose suits that give shape and volume to your waist and hip areas.
Swimwear for Round or Apple Body Shape
- Use vertical lines to elongate the body.
- Pick draped fabrics around the bust and midsection to help camouflage the waist.
- Select tops or one-pieces that highlight the upper area and draw the eyes upward.
Rectangle Body Shape Swimwear Options
- Emphasize your waistline.
- Wear a supportive or push-up bathing suit top to create the illusion of more substantial breasts.
- Use horizontal, diagonal lines, and items cut on the bias to give shape, curves, and fullness to the body.
Swimsuits for an Hourglass Body Shape
- Emphasize your waistline.
- Continue to balance out your shoulders and hips.
- Elongate your frame and legs with a higher cut bottom.
Initially, I was going to write about swimwear for women over 40. However, with swimwear, it is not so much what is age-appropriate (I really hate that term), it is about what flatters your body shape the most. We are all different, thank goodness, because how boring would it be if we all looked the same? No uniqueness, no diversity, no shades of color, no size differences. All the same, all the time. How dull.
So, celebrate the unique you and your 2020 swimsuit. I think it is time to put that tequila to good use. Slice some limes and grab the salt, it’s margarita time!! Drop me a line sometime and share your good, bad, and ugly swimwear adventures.